On Narcissism

Narcissism is a word thrown around casually to describe any behaviour that is self-centred and egotistical; however, the true meaning of the word, its origins and its pathological features are not commonly understood. Whether secondary narcissism results from a dysfunctional upbringing, genetics, a capitalistic society, or multiple other factors is still debatable. However, it is universally accepted by psychoanalytic theorists that secondary narcissism is pathological due to its negative impact on the people involved with the narcissistic individual as well as to society. In this essay, I will examine two psychoanalytic theories on the features and origins of secondary narcissism and why it is tendentially pathological. 

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Primary or 'normal' narcissism is a standard stage of an infant's development as it begins to shape its identity and recognise itself as separate from its mother. It is a psychological defence mechanism that shields the child from the distress caused during the early individuation phase of childhood. In this first stage of narcissism, the child forms a narcissistic 'ideal ego' coupled with a sense of omnipotence and self-importance.[1] The child assumes itself to be the centre of the universe, and its parents take on the role of mythical figures who exist exclusively to attend to the child's needs. Primary narcissism, and its self-centredness, become the foundation for secondary narcissism. Secondary narcissism is the adult, pathological form of narcissism. In psychoanalytic theory, whatever happens early in life becomes a condition for regression in times of stress. Accordingly, secondary narcissism involves a regression to the early childhood experience of narcissism. 

Nobody exists without an ego; therefore, nobody exists without displaying some narcissistic traits which fall outside the pathological disorder of secondary narcissism, known in psychology as a narcissistic personality disorder. Characteristic features of people with narcissistic personality disorder include: a high degree of competitiveness, a lack of empathy and emotional responsiveness, a lack of insight into their own behaviour, an inability to be vulnerable, a sense of entitlement and superiority (snobbishness), a charismatic 'staged' persona (social mask), manipulative and controlling behaviour, transactional relationships, dishonest and projective behaviour towards others (gaslighting), inconsistent and erratic behaviour, insincerity, an aversion towards commitment and a denial of responsibility for bad behaviour.

Melanie Klein agreed with Freud's basic psychodynamic theory regarding the mother-child relationship. However, she asserted that it begins much earlier – shortly after birth and in the first few months of an infant's life. Klein theorised that the infant is born with an ego that allows it to feel anxiety as well as the mental capacity to form a psychological defence mechanism to protect against it. Klein's theory is an object-relations theory, and unlike Freud, she does not write about instincts as separate from objects.[2] According to Klein, relationships with external objects become the fixation of unconscious phantasy shortly after birth.[3] Klein's notions of early infancy defence mechanisims, object relations and anxieties have influenced numerous psychoanalytic theories on the origins of narcissism.

Both Freud and Klein asserted that an adult narcissist is more likely to have undergone a disappointing early experience of love during childhood, which initiates a feeling of ambivalence. However, for Klein, narcissism is a pathological defence mechanism against the distress provoked by the first object relationship with the mother's breast. She expressed that for the infant, the breast is a representation of the mother. When the breast fails to live up to the child's expectations of constant supply, internal sensations of disappointment and anger are expelled from the self and externalised. Klein described the painful realisation that feelings of love and hate are directed at the same love object.[4] She posited that – unable to handle the threat of ambivalence – the child's ego splits the love object (breast) into good and bad, protecting itself from the bad and identifying only with the good. Consequently, an impaired inner world of object relations and self-image is formed, and projection and identification are employed to give meaning to events in the outer world.[5] In a manner not unlike a developmental disorder, the adult narcissist has not matured sufficiently to view others as an intricate blend of good and bad. Instead, the narcissist views the object (person) as all good, thus idealising it, or all bad, thus devaluing it. This binary thinking leads the narcissist to externalise and project their bad characteristics (denial) and internalise and inflate their good (self-grandiosity).

In secondary narcissism, love becomes associated with vulnerability, which is unbearable for the narcissist; thus, the adult narcissist tends to display avoidant tendencies (to reject, leave and ignore love objects) to insulate themselves from the threat of vulnerability. The narcissist's inability to be vulnerable and form intimate connections results in a chronic sense of emptiness. Consequently, they seek external validation through workaholism, accomplishments, admiration, and possessions to fill the void. A narcissist exists in an impenetrable bubble, devoid of genuine, intimate connection due to their inability to understand or empathise with others. In essence, the narcissist extinguishes their loving (dependant) self and identifies solely with their narcissistic (invulnerable) self, providing them with a false sense of superiority and strength. Pathological maladaptive functioning within interpersonal relationships is the most devastating aspect of secondary narcissism. Narcissists cause a significant degree of trauma for those involved with them. In a narcissistic parent–child relationship, the trauma is often so profound, and so well concealed through strategical attempts at gaslighting, that the child suffers from post-traumatic stress symptoms and a dysfunctional attachment style well into adulthood, without any conscious clue as to why. [6] A narcissistic parent teaches their children to respond to them in specific ways that feed their narcissistic needs, producing a trauma bond. A trauma bond is a codependent emotional attachment between narcissistic parents and their children, which is forged over time and very difficult to untangle from. It can be identified by psychologists as traits such as; an imbalanced relationship, where the child serves the parent and attends to their needs rather than the expected relationship of a parent serving the child's needs, confusing and erratic behaviour from the parent, a sense of responsibility for the parent and a shaping of self-esteem through the parent.[7] A child who has grown up with a narcissistic parent may idealise their parent and not be aware that they have experienced anything abnormal until it is pointed out to them.[8]

From a sociological perspective, it is apparent how capitalism both rewards and encourages narcissistic-type personalities. Post-war capitalism has given rise to narcissistic personality traits, shifting gears from a community-oriented society towards an egocentric, self-absorbed cultural environment. The narcissistic attitudes of winners versus losers, the strong versus the weak, strategical relationships built for personal gain, lack of guilt for moral transgressions and an aversion to commitment have created a society with little capacity for loyalty, intimacy and connection. A fixation on careerism, constant advancement and status obsession has led to a society plagued by depression, addiction and loneliness. Social media has only exacerbated this crisis and helped facilitate widespread narcissistic mindsets, both normalising and proliferating them. Capitalism and, more recently, social media have encouraged a focus on external validation and made open narcissism more socially acceptable. Hence, the detrimental impact of narcissism is more rampant today than ever.

In The Culture of Narcissism, Lasch writes about 'narcissism as a metaphor for the human condition' in today's egocentric, capitalist-driven world and draws parallels between the personality disorder and the dysfunctional characteristics of contemporary culture.[9] 

He writes that 'narcissism remains at its loosest a synonym for selfishness, and at its most precise a metaphor, and nothing more, that describes the state of mind in which the world appears as a mirror of the self.' [10] Psychic sickness can, in many ways, be attributed to one's culture. [11]  Through the process of socialisation, individuals are moulded to conform to the prevailing social norms of their time. Lasch accurately points out that psychoanalytic theory deals with individuals rather than society as a whole, and the collective mind echoes the demands of that whole rather than the individual.[12] However, he suggests that by studying the individual through psychoanalysis, we may be able to understand the inner workings of society by delving into the individual unconscious.[13] He emphasises the interdependent relationship between the individual and culture, each reflecting and reproducing the other. Lasch frames contemporary narcissism as a social and cultural crisis and attributes it to the noticeable increase in cases of secondary narcissism. Each era develops its own unique set of pathological tendencies. In Freud's time, it was hysteria and neuroses, today it is narcissism. Lasch also points out that for all the devastation it causes, traits of narcissism make a person more likely to succeed in today's competitive economic environment.[14] The capacity to unempathetically and strategically manipulate others whilst maintaining superficial, transactional relationships is essential in many industries today. It would not be hyperbole to assume that many people at the top arrived via narcissism branded as ambition, and many people at the bottom lacked a sufficient level of narcissism rather than talent.

In conclusion, secondary narcissism is multifaceted in its manifestation, and is challenging to attribute to only one cause. It is impossible to conclude whether pathological adult narcissism develops due to experiences during infancy (according to Klein's object-relations theory) or whether cultural influences nurture and reinforce it in susceptible individuals (according to Lasch's theory). Whether narcissism is more prevalent today or simply more apparent is also debatable. However, what is certain is the devastation it brings to those in relationship with narcissists and to society as a whole. Pathological narcissism involves maladaptive functioning within interpersonal relationships that is detrimental to everyone involved. It is insidious in nature and difficult to recognise, frequently presented as confidence, charm or ambition. It traumatises those personally impacted by it, and on a societal level, it prevents present and future generations from living lives of meaning. A life lived without empathy and vulnerability, on an individual or a social level, is a life lived without participating in the richness of what it means to be human.

References

APA Dictionary of Psychology (dictionary.apa.org) https://dictionary.apa.org/primary-narcissism

Degges-White S, ‘Breaking the Trauma Bond Forged by Narcissistic Parents | Psychology Today’ 12 May 2021 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/202105/breaking-the-trauma-bond-forged-narcissistic-parents

Klein M and Elizabeth Bott Spillius, Melanie Klein Today : Developments in Theory and Practice. 2 Mainly Practice (London Routledge 1996)

Lasch C, The Culture of Narcissism : American Life in an Age of Diminishing Expectations (WW Norton & Company 2018)

[1] ‘APA Dictionary of Psychology’ (dictionary.apa.org) <https://dictionary.apa.org/primary-narcissism>.

[2] Melanie Klein and Elizabeth Bott Spillius, Melanie Klein Today : Developments in Theory and Practice. 2 Mainly Practice (London Routledge 1996).

[3] Melanie Klein and Elizabeth Bott Spillius, Melanie Klein Today : Developments in Theory and Practice. 2 Mainly Practice (London Routledge 1996).

[4] Melanie Klein and Elizabeth Bott Spillius, Melanie Klein Today : Developments in Theory and Practice. 2 Mainly Practice (London Routledge 1996).

[5] Melanie Klein and Elizabeth Bott Spillius, Melanie Klein Today : Developments in Theory and Practice. 2 Mainly Practice (London Routledge 1996).

[6] Susan Degges-White, ‘Breaking the Trauma Bond Forged by Narcissistic Parents | Psychology Today’ 12 May 2021 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/202105/breaking-the-trauma-bond-forged-narcissistic-parents

[7] Susan Degges-White, ‘Breaking the Trauma Bond Forged by Narcissistic Parents | Psychology Today’ 12 May 2021 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/202105/breaking-the-trauma-bond-forged-narcissistic-parents

[8] Susan Degges-White, ‘Breaking the Trauma Bond Forged by Narcissistic Parents | Psychology Today’ 12 May 2021 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/202105/breaking-the-trauma-bond-forged-narcissistic-parents

[9] Christopher Lasch, The Culture of Narcissism : American Life in an Age of Diminishing Expectations (W W Norton & Company 2018) p. 31

[10] Christopher Lasch, The Culture of Narcissism : American Life in an Age of Diminishing Expectations (W W Norton & Company 2018) p. 33

[11] Christopher Lasch, The Culture of Narcissism : American Life in an Age of Diminishing Expectations (W W Norton & Company 2018).

[12] Christopher Lasch, The Culture of Narcissism : American Life in an Age of Diminishing Expectations (W W Norton & Company 2018).

[13] Christopher Lasch, The Culture of Narcissism : American Life in an Age of Diminishing Expectations (W W Norton & Company 2018).

[14] Christopher Lasch, The Culture of Narcissism : American Life in an Age of Diminishing Expectations (W W Norton & Company 2018).